As long as I can remember I've wanted to go on a mission. I've wanted to bring to others what I have been given. I haven't had to search, wonder or doubt. I've known truth and truth continually opens her door. I want so badly to be righteous, to be worthy of being the Lord's hands here on the earth. I feel like I fall short too many times. The Lord needs a strong people and I am barely strong enough to get through the trials that I face. I've learned that at this point of thinking is when I need to let the Atonement in and give the rest up to the Lord. To let the Lord answer my door.
I am a stubborn girl. But when I find truth I will easily give up my ways and thinking and can be easily molded. I have recently come to harsh realizations thanks to a dear person in my life. It was in the moment that I knew I was wrong when I matured out of being the 'always responsible, oldest, level-headed, always right' one into the vulnerable and moldable one that the Lord wants me to be. I want to be righteous and I want the blessings that the Lord promised me in my patriarchal blessing. I want others to know the happiness I know, I want to help them and to love them. I was intended to help those out in need, to have an understanding of what people have gone through and what is ahead of them, maybe due to the experiences I have had.
I've had many plans in my life, good plans, plans that align with what I've been taught and what the Lord would be happy with. Those plans fall through time and time again and I am realizing that there are different plans for me than what I have expected. That the Lord has used me in ways I am unaware of. I am excited to know those ways someday and I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store for me and what things I can do in return.

I've never loved and found it hard to trust, but I have a lot of love to give and have complete trust waiting. I will steal President Henry B Eyring's words and say "I no longer need preeminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience . . . . My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear." I cannot claim them as complete but guiding words nonetheless.

I have too many faults to list or even think about and I know I should be working much harder than I am. Someday I will find myself strong and worthy. Until then there is a lot of work to do.